A year ago, I walked into my therapist’s office for the first time. There was this darkness that loomed over me, stealing my focus, my confidence, and my heart. Even when people would praise my work, tell me I’m pretty, or say I’ll be going places, I never believed them. I’d known this darkness since I was a teenager, and there’d be moments when that darkness wouldn’t be there, but still, it always managed to creep back in, like some form of toxic love. And when I finally decided to confront it with the help of my therapist, getting rid of the Hexxus in me wasn’t an instant kill. It took a while, and I was frustrated that I wasn’t getting any better. The darkness was a constant companion, even when my therapist put me on antidepressants. My focus got better; I was able to drawing again. But deep down, I still didn’t feel complete. After months of psychotherapy, I was put on mood stabilizers, and I sought another doctor for a second opinion about my condition. He’d told me the same thing my therapist told me. He just added vitamins to my diet (because I don’t get enough sun […] Continue Reading
I’m just not so sure about 2017. It was an okay year. Definitely no comparison to how much 2016 sucked, but it wasn’t that great either. I guess you can say it’s part of that prelude to the elixir I mentioned, back when 2016 was still saying bye. It’s still not our Resurrection. We’re still being tested one last time (maybe it’s a test of patience?) for whatever lies ahead. Just like last year, I’d like to take a look back at what made 2017 the year things sorta happened. From going on submission for my debut novel, working on commission pieces for some ～☆dream☆～ clients, to confronting my mental health issues for real, it’s safe to say that the past year was all about personal growth. Being on submission has taught me how to be patient and I’ve since made some new authorly friends on that road (thanks, Twitter). Taking on commission requests from not just new, but also dream clients made me realize the value of my illustrations. And most importantly, facing my mental demons was the biggest change for me. Here are events that made 2017 the good kind of okay that it is: My life as […] Continue Reading
I opened my present from my friend Isabelle Adrid weeks before Christmas morning. Like a few hours after she gave it to me. Literally the second I got home last Thursday. It was a mug with a floral wreath surrounding the words believe in yourself. How fitting. “Believe in yourself” is something a lot of people have been telling me to do for years now. My family. My boyfriend. My friends. My writing group. My therapist. It sounds so simple, but it really isn’t. I’ve always had this problem with believing in myself and I think it goes all the way back to the first grade. I’d transferred to an all-girls school from co-ed, and I didn’t realize it then, but everything was so different from the world I grew up in. I suddenly had a school uniform, textbooks, homework–things I absolutely didn’t have to deal with in kindergarten. The realization actually struck me just a few months ago when my 3-year-old niece Isla started going to pre-school, and she had textbooks. And homework. I didn’t have any of that in my day (for one thing, she doesn’t go to the same school I did). I’d just hop into the school […] Continue Reading
2016 averages as the Year of Suckitude for everyone. There’s so much suck that happened that the good was easily pushed away to the side and was forgotten. But c’mon, it couldn’t have been all bad–sure, the world’s gone insane, but life is really all about the ups and downs we face. Before the year ends, I’d like to remember all the positive things that 2016 (which voice actor Troy Baker dubbed “an epidemic”) has brought onto my life, because who knows, what if this is just a prelude to the greatest year of the decade? Or maybe the century? Whatever 2017 has in store for us, I pray to the multiverse that it’ll top the bad and recover from the crap the Year of Suckitude has dropped upon us. Besides, 2016 might have been our Resurrection (as Christopher Vogler explained in his book The Writer’s Journey), where “death and darkness get in one last, desperate shot before being finally defeated.” It’s the point in any story where the hero is tested one last time, before charging on with the Elixir to heal the wounded land. And guess what? We’re all heroes here. We just need to remember the positive things […] Continue Reading
